Gluten, Grains and Soy

I'm not exactly sure what happens when I decide to eat foods that I shouldn't be eating. I know I have a gluten allergy, I know that dairy makes me feel horrible, I know that sugar causes all types of trouble. So I follow a strict diet plan, keep all that stuff out, generally do really well for a couple months. Start feeling AMAZING....then..

"Well, it's just one sandwich", "Just this once." or "I'll just eat this because it's right here and I am nowhere near the house." So I fall for it, stuff some food with everything in the ingredients a part of the list of "don't eat" and move on with my day. I feel fine, maybe I was just making up the food allergy.

It's the next day, or maybe even two days latter that I get the reaction. I'm lucky, it's not intestinal pain or sickness. I'm unlucky because it attacks everything else in my body. Really a roulette wheel on what happens each time I fall for the eat bread choice. Today, mood is okay. But my joints are swollen, and they hurt. Not slightly hurt, nope, in my face crippling pain. This is new, this hasn't really happened before, perhaps each time I let my body detox, it hits me even harder when I do slip.

It will take a week for the gluten to leave my system. In the meantime I will have to deal with the swelling joints and pain in my legs and back.

So, if I know something like this is going to happen. Why do I still fall for it? Why do I just let my discipline slip and indulge? How can I be so careless with my own health and well being?

There is a reason, buried down deep somewhere in the depths of my subconscious. A saboteur that doesn't want me to succeed or follow my dreams of perfect health. I'm not going to ignore this part of myself, or push on dragging it around. This calls for some deep mind searching to see what I can come up with, and hopefully heal that part of myself bent on my own personal destruction.

Or, if it's none of that, just plain sugar addiction. I know I was given sugar as a kid, just to calm me down or shut me up. So I may have to treat this as an addiction and really pay attention to what my brain chemistry is doing.

Or, if all else fails, just suck it up and move on. Everyone makes mistakes, I'm allowed.  I'm not giving up this time, it goes to prove how badly I want to change.

So I'll keep moving forward, out of sheer stubbornness.